http://www.bagu.cc/
Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
　　>party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
　　>
　　>Those who remained talked about their kids.
　　>
　　>The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at
　　>a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics
　　>and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate
　　>ladder and now he’s the president of the company. He became so rich
　　>that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his
　　birthday."
　　>
　　>The second guy said, "Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride
　　>and joy He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight
　　>school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the
　　>company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He’s so rich that he
　　
　　>gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
　　>
　　>The third man said: "Well, that’s terrific! My son stud! ied in the
　　>best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
　　>construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away
　　>something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday:
　　>A 30,000 square foot mansion."
　　>
　　>The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned
　　>from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
　　>
　　>One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the
　　
　　>successes of our sons. …What about your son?"
　　>
　　>The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
　　>stripper at a nightclub."
　　>
　　>The three friends said: "What a shame…what a disappointment."
　　>
　　>The fourth man replied: "No, I’m not ashamed. He’s my son and I love
　　>him. And he hasn’t done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks
　　>ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand
　　>new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

http://www.bagu.cc/
These may come handy someday. Share with us your experience if you have actually used something like this at work. 🙂
　　
　　Were you BORN this stupid? Or did it just take years of practice?
　　I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
　　The beatings will continue until morale improves
　　How about never? Is never good for you?
　　I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
　　public.
　　Busy, you thought busy was a policeman. "In England for some reason, they call the policeman busy
　　I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship.
　　I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
　　I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
　　I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
　　It’s nice to see that you’re not satisfied with people JUST THINKING you’re an idiot.
　　I’m not anti-social. I’m anti-YOU.
　　I’m not anti-social. Society is anti-me.
　　Would you like me to chew your food for you while I’m at it?
　　Wait, you mean I actually have to WORK at work??
　　Here’s a quarter. Go forth. Be Happy.
　　It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
　　I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.
　　I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
　　You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
　　I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
　　I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
　　I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
　　Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point
　　of view.
　　The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
　　Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
　　What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
　　I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
　　It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
　　Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
　　No, my powers can only be used for good.
　　You sound reasonable… Time to up the medication.
　　Who me? I just wander from room to room
　　And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
　　Do I look like a freaking people person?
　　This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting. (yeah,
　　and it’s called my office)
　　I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
　　You!… Off my planet!
　　Does your train of thought have a caboose?
　　Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
　　A PBS mind in an MTV world.
　　Allow me to introduce my selves.
　　Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
　　Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
　　Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
　　I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
　　A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
　　Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t
　　fallen asleep yet.
　　Can I trade this job for what’s behind door 1?
　　Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
　　Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
　　Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
　　How do I set a laser printer to stun?
　　I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
　　If I throw a stick, will you leave?
　　Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.